still lazy, and still lame. i keep wanting to believe that maybe i expect too much, but i don't. i really, really don't. why am i so bad at being angry? i could understand it if it didn't bother me anymore, but it does. and i could understand it if i had a poor reason to be, but i don't. or even if it didn't hurt that much, but it does. no matter how many times i've tried to find a loophole in this whole being angry thing, i can't.
which, of course, isn't about just one thing, but about many things, some related and some not, which simply make me tired, angry, and consequently determined.
truly, i was excited to be back, and i like america okay, but i'm realizing how foolish it was to believe that there was anything to be anxious about here. absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes you forget all the important stuff that drove you away in the first place.
and why all the same problems, re-disguised as something far more interesting or forgivable, aren't okay anymore.
prague is in january. and at last i will be away, relieved, past... whatever you call it. because i just can't stand it.
again.
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