please don't go, please don't leave me.

you could stay a while longer
we could stay up and talk about last summer
we could go down to the water
watch the sunset going under
it's not that i'm a stranger to lonely moments
i've had my share of those

please don't go
please don't leave me alone
a mirror's so much harder to hold

i could try and point the finger
but the glass points in my direction
sure, you've got your sharp edges
but my wounds are from my own reflection
you've got nothing i could ever hold against you
i've got fatal flaws to call my own

please don't go
please don't leave me alone
a mirror's so much harder to hold

i met a man who's looking for perfection
said he'd never met a girl who's good enough
his eyes are getting old like they'd love to love again
such a lonely man
such a lonely man

i see him in my reflection
taking steps towards me these days
so i hold you that much closer
and pray we don't throw this away
it's not that i'm a man who couldn't love you
i know what these arms are for

please don't go
please don't leave me alone
a mirror's so much harder to hold
a mirror's so much harder to hold
please don't go
please don't leave me cold
a mirror's so much harder to hold
-jon foreman, "a mirror is harder to hold"



i think, when someone can confidently say this to me, i can probably stop looking.

this is spartaaa! no, really, where the f*** is sparta?

with this whole moving and traveling abroad these last few months, i have completely lost track of a few of my possessions. not my mouse ring, thank goodness, but obnoxious, random, and obnoxiously random things i just can't seem to locate. i think half the problem, however, is that i'm not sure which items are here with me and which ones i left in the flat in prague.

among the things that have been driving me mad are:
-my fisherman's pants from bangkok. they're hideous for anything beyond the beach, midnight snacks, lounging, or hangovers, but i think we've established that i grow attached to things i find during my travels. i've torn my closet apart, too. twice.
-my navel piercing. this has almost nothing to do with the object itself, but with the fact that i can't find it. i've looked everywhere i would put it, and while i've managed to uncover every possible button to every article of clothing i've ever owned, the ring is nowhere to be found.
-my diary. yes, that is never a good sign, but i'm mostly sure that it's in prague. it has crossed my mind that perhaps i decided to get clever about it and put it under a mattress or in my closet somewhere, but thus far, my searching has been in vain. and, my room's not that big.
-my spare-slash-ugly glasses, not to be confused with the fashionable, expensive ones that make me look more intelligent than i really am. i don't wear my good glasses while lying in bed watching a movie, though, so i'd love to know where the back-ups are. i'm also guessing that they're in prague. another grand leap of faith there.
-my 300 dvd that chad gave me for my 22nd birthday. it's not expensive or anything, but i do love that movie and chances are that my friends in prague would love it too. i've become an unofficial provider of movies... of sorts. given that it didn't cost me anything, it doesn't matter too much that i can't find it. except that i can't believe it's eluding me.

why is any of this so hard to find?


unrelatedly, today was 85 and sunny. i'm really going to miss california.

21.9 to 20.7

that's bmi talk for roughly 7 lbs., according to my wii fit, which is generally much meaner to me than i'd like. it's really good at pointing out just how lazy it thinks i am.

3 or 4 more would be fantastic. the >5km per day is truly doing wonders for how i feel about the impending summer season. and about going back to prague. thanks to my dad and extended family members, however, i have a major genetic deficit to overcome, and it all sits in one cursed region of my body. looming. watching. waiting for any opportunity to drink bubble tea or beer.

it's too bad my back sucks, but yoga is (sort of) repairing that situation. normally, i don't worry about this kind of thing, but after that night with the revelation that nothing i owned fit me anymore, i've had no desire to find myself in that place again. unless. you know... i'm pregnant or something, but still! since i'm out of work at the moment and so many other things are on hold, it's good to see this aspect of my life moving in a favorable direction.

do something good every day, take 2.

today, i managed to find something and didn't get injured in the process. it actually cost me something monetarily, however.

ah, well, 2 for 3.

why i struggle with church... in song form!

too bad i'm more guilty than i'd like to think.



I hate all your show and pretense
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show

Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your
singing ‘em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood
of justice
An endless procession of righteous
living, living
Instead let there be a flood
of justice
Instead of a show

your eyes are closed when you’re praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there’s blood on your hands

you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don’t fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there’s blood on your hands

Ah! let’s argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let’s argue this out
you’ll be white as the clouds
let’s argue this out
quit fooling around

give love to the ones who can’t love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can’t stand at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show

-jon foreman, "instead of a show"


also, side note: 5 year anniversary of that day with the pavement and the almost-dying. yikes.