it's a bird. it's a plane. no, really, what is it?

over the years, i've developed quite a skill in detaching myself from the things i own. generally speaking, i can get over not having and/or losing most things. and when it comes to possessions, i try not to pick favorites, until i recently discovered how much i really care about one particular object.

a few weeks ago, i went into a frenzy because i thought i'd lost a ring. i dug through every piece of jewelry i own. i turned over every object on my desk (where i typically keep it) and called the restaurants i'd recently visited, all in vain. it wasn't for a few hours, after turning over a picture frame, that i realized that it had rolled behind the pictures on my desk. i could have sworn i'd looked there before, but i think God knows that i would have cried. really cried. real tears. if i'd lost it. i chalk that one up to a miracle. the ring itself isn't worth much. i probably only spent a few dollars on it at a market in bangkok. and while i've bought a great deal of jewelry - most of it meaningless - at various markets all over the world, i was drawn to the uniqueness of this jeweler's particular design. i asked him about himself; he was turkish, had recently moved from istanbul, and had hoped to spread his design around as much as he could, particularly to foreigners (europeans, americans...) he even gave me a business card, which i promptly lost in typical "me" fashion.

the funny thing about this ring, too, is that it seems to inspire a lot of theories about what it resembles. every time i look at it, i see a mouse. my mother, however, sees grapevines. since my brother also sees a mouse, they have started to refer to it as "joy's mouse." please note, they call my nose piercing a "bug" and for a while referred to me as "bug-nose." either way, it always inspires commentary and questions from people around me. when i go grocery shopping or stop out for some drinks with friends, everybody has an opinion about it. some positive and others negative. who knew that a small, slightly bizarre article of clothing could spark such a vocal response?

so i'm posting it up here. and i'd love to know: what do you see?

lord, beer me self-control.

my name is joy, and today i spent way too much money at anthropologie.

my best friend.

and me too.

(p.s. the bracelets really say "don't settle for less" but it was between "settle" and my shot that says "for less." so pretty much i had to decide whether i wanted to represent us as having low standards or as prostitutes. low standards, it was. hah.)

an ode to steve

"the only person you can ever count on is yourself."
or so the saying goes.

let me be transparent for a moment. since i graduated from college, i've been dealing with bouts of depression. on occasion, it was "i don't want to get up" kind of depression, albeit that only lasted a few days, or maybe a week. i am not and have never been, however, a defeatist. i think that, if i really concentrate, i will probably be able to take control of my depression (or almost-depression, depending on how you look at it), and channel it into a more productive life. because i have extra time on my hands, i've concluded that this is now the perfect time to concentrate on aspects of my life to which i have not had time to attend during school. as i spent four years as a chronic insomniac due to stress, the absence of such stress has now presented the perfect time for me to polish up my life. i was happy to hear that my good friend nichole is doing the same. of the many things i would like to accomplish, here are a few short-term goals:
1) cultivate a more disciplined lifestyle
go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. this is hard for me, but i'm really trying. i don't like it when i lose a great deal of the day because i'm sleeping. i also am not fond of hangovers or a disorganized/dirty living space. i now rarely go to the bars with my friends because i prefer to have a quiet conversation over a cup of coffee or dinner. but i also acknowledge that everyone needs a release on occasion, so i don't condemn those who enjoy the bar scene more than i do. i'm slowly discovering that it requires a lot of discipline to maintain a tidy living space. while i can't control my roommates' living habits, i am making it a habit to keep my room exceptionally clean and organized. i make my bed much more often and am more deliberate about where i put paperwork and clothing. i have found that a tidier environment makes me a much more relaxed person, and has turned my room from a place to crash to a private haven.
2) deal with my acne
i'm 21, and i think my face is still far worse than it needs to be. while it's not severe enough to require acutaine or another harsh medication, it drives me crazy. i wash my pillowcases often, am disciplined about cleansing my face, and don't wear any heavy make-up, yet i still deal with break-outs. i've also realized that half my problem is simply scarring, but it makes my face look uneven, splotchy, and pubescent at best. my friend struggles far more than i do (she's turned to the 'taine), so i asked her for some advice. she recommended a few products to me, so i am hoping that some better make-up will give me a better complexion.
3) learn to cook
this is ridiculous. i've been living independently since i was 19. england. and while pasta and soup was acceptable there, it does not suffice here anymore. i'm tired of eating the same foods over and over with no tangible recipes in mind. i'm smart enough to know how to cook. so i bought myself a vegetarian cookbook, and i'm hoping that i'll be able to provide myself with more nutrients and variety.
4) improve my speech patterns
i have a degree in english. i know how to express myself, but i would like to be as articulate in person as i am on paper. paper is great because it is forgiving of pauses and omissions, while life is not. i use the words "like" and "um" far more than i should. so my first goal is to eradicate "like," and then move on to "um." i am speaking more slowly now, but i know that it takes practice. eventually, i think that i will be able to express myself with eloquence and speed, but it is going to be difficult for a while.
and finally...
5) lose a few pounds and stay in shape
it's self-explanatory, really. i'm not fat, but i know when my body isn't right. i would be extremely happy to lose 5 pounds or so. and i used to be competitive. it's weird not to be competing anymore, and i want to feel good about my fitness again.



on another topic...
for those who don't know, japan hasn't completely come through for me. this doesn't mean i'm not going, but it's also not absolute that i am. as a result, i'm looking into some other work options. let's face it: i'm about ready to bid the bux adieu. i'm attending some career fairs in my spare time, seeing if anything materializes. unfortunately/fortunately, i needed to do some shopping to find appropriate clothing. while it wasn't difficult to find clothes, since i do already have the necessary black skirt and tops are prolific, shoes were another story. all i wanted was plain black pumps. that's it! it's not hard! but there are no black pumps to be found anywhere. they're all peep toe. not quite professional, and we all know that styles come and go. peep-toes will be out soon, but most plain heels won't go out of style. i went to all the usual discount stores to find them: payless, target, ross. i did find some at target, but they had a bow, were already scuffed, and i didn't particularly care for them anyway.

then i gave dsw a try. for those who have never been, it's a store that sells designer items on a discounted price - a sort of shoe warehouse, if you will. i wandered through the numerous aisles of shoes: colored shoes, peep-toed shoes, strappy shoes, wedged shoes, thong shoes, open-toed shoes, close-toed shoes, ugly shoes... none of them particularly appealing because they were the wrong color or a far too casual style, until--
















there they were. the shoes for which i'd been searching. the shoes that had been eluding me for two weeks. who knew it would be so damn hard to find plain black pumps, no bows, no frills, no toes? and they were perfect. they were courtesy of none other than steve madden. okay, so they weren't $25 like the ones i found at target, but i see them as an investment. given that they'll never truly go out of style, they're extremely comfortable, they're versatile... good for the office or with a pair of jeans, and they're a better quality so they won't break down as quickly, i'll probably wear them several more years.

now that i've said these things, i think it would be a good time for me to gush about how much i love steve. i'm slowly starting to realize that it's one of my favorite shoe designers. steve's shoes are classic, sexy, and exceedingly comfortable. i always stop by the steve madden table when i'm shopping, if just to look, because i always love the simplicity and the sophistication of steve's designs. i, like any bargain-lovin' college student (or former college student) i know, can appreciate a cheap find. while i wouldn't include the shoes i bought in europe in the equation, i have been known to dance all night in my red wet seal peep-toe pumps to save a few (dozen) bucks.

nevertheless, a few months ago, i was fortunate enough to acquire these, also courtesy of steve.















so they were a bit of a splurge, but note the massive heel. 4 inches, people! yet they're so comfortable, i can wear them all day and still go dancing in them at night. my much less expensive shoes numbed my feet for days after merely one night out with the girls. but not these. these went all over houston with me, in and out of museums, and got numerous compliments in the process.

in short. i love shoes. i think european shoes are the best. but if europe is too far away, steve is pretty awesome, too, and i'd definitely wear them in europe. or asia, if that works out. or both, if life works out the way i hope.