Showing posts with label favorites. Show all posts
Showing posts with label favorites. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

when life gets you down...

focus on the positive.

for those who don't know, life has been quite the downer these days. being at home sucks the life out of me, mostly because of one particular person, who shall remain nameless. that would be one thing, except that work is almost painful these days. i should probably stress that it's not because i inherently hate my job, but because any flicker of positive morale or energy is immediately squelched by laziness, drama, and the desire to stay in high school. i spent at least my last 3 semesters of high school wishing it would go away, and now it's come back with a vengeance. this is then compounded by the fact that some of my closest friends are (or will be) in places like london and boston, or by the painful process of extracting others from my life. the unexpected side effect of that one is my acute ability to qualify most guys i meet as liars, no matter how nice they are. i'm still waiting on the Lord for that healing. it'll come, but right now it's still open and bleeding profusely.

i think, though, that sometimes we focus primarily on how awful we feel, and not on all the positive things we have. there are days, weeks, months, that i feel like my Father doesn't hear me, but i find that it's mostly because i'm not listening to Him speak. even when i'm feeling hopeless, i also find something to bring me pleasure or to make me laugh. the fact is, there is way too much suffering in the world to be caught up in how dissatisfied i am with my life. so i told myself that today, i will focus on the things that i enjoy, no matter how small they are. right now, i am in a place where i'm so comfortable that it's easy for me to forget the beauty of existence, and the buoyancy of the human spirit. few people are this lucky.

and despite how frustrated i've been, i've found that the list of things which make me happy is considerable. and that's not even including the people i love, just objects and what they represent. for those who think this is all about materialism, it's not... it's about being appreciative and joyful because we're given so much to be appreciative and joyful about. even these small pieces of joy are enough to lighten this heavy heart, if just for today. and that's okay, because today is all i was ever promised anyway.















Tuesday, September 23, 2008

i just got

jay chou's secret in the mail today. how excited am i to share its amazingness with the world around me?

there are no words.

as a preview:


or: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cbSeZh6apVk

also, this isn't ashlee simpson status... he really is that bona-fide awesome. he's some sort of taiwanese musical prodigy, apparently.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

90% boxer. 10% evil.











plus, i was playing with my new camera.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

my best friend.











































and me too.

(p.s. the bracelets really say "don't settle for less" but it was between "settle" and my shot that says "for less." so pretty much i had to decide whether i wanted to represent us as having low standards or as prostitutes. low standards, it was. hah.)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

just let go.

there's an old oak tree
we can swing and sway
we'll lock arms and legs, you're so far away
when i look at you, you're so far away
i'm so far away
if you could just let go
-mae


(i really, really, really love mae and i can't stop listening to this song. for realsies.)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

home.

right now, the whole "home" concept is not what i thought it would be. nothing i've ever experienced before, either. but things rarely turn out the way you wish they would or expect them to.

so i suppose it's helpful that jon foreman's "i am still running" came on just when i needed to hear it.
build me a home, inside your scars
build me a home, inside your song
build me a home, inside your open arms
the only place i ever will belong

and as much as i've learned about this over the years, about how You provide home when i need it, i think i need to know this more than ever these days. i'm done with speaking and i'm done with arguing. i'm even done with searching for sympathy in the deepest regions of myself.

and i'm asking You, my Father, please don't forget me now. i need a home.

Monday, August 04, 2008

question.

has nobody in the western world heard of jay chou's secret? oh netflix, how you disappoint me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

what's your mosaic?





























i came across this concept on a friend's blog. it's a personality mosaic. i absolutely loved the idea.

here's how it works:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

the questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? right now?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favourite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favourite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your flickr name? (since i don't have a flickr name, i typed in my blog name instead)


what does your mosaic say about you?

Friday, June 13, 2008

i said goodbye

today, i thought i was going to make it without crying. i got through k2 barely phased. i hugged them all and told them how much i love them. they're my pride and joy, my legacy, my crown jewel, those k2 kids.

then on to k4, where they sang a song for me and gave me hugs. still nothing.

at lunch, the teachers threw me a party. they each bought me an individual present, though i had to earn it. also, i might add, this party was complete with zhenzhu naicha (my favorite), zhi pie (my other favorite!), cheese cake (my favorite dessert!), and gold watermelon! wow, they know me so well! am i really that transparent? but i still held on.

i had a party with g2, but most of them cried the whole time. i couldn't help but think to myself... this has to be the worst party ever, with all these sobbing children. i cried a little.

then came s4, the mother load. i had planned to simply make some root beer floats with them because they'd find it fun and we'd be silly. but my chinese teacher apparently had a very different idea, as they wouldn't let me in when i went to get some supplies. when they finally opened the door, all my children were lined up with neon bracelets singing "please and thank you, these are the magic words..."
after that, they played "ode to joy" for me on their recorders! no joke!
then we played a game. i'd pick a name out of a bag, they'd all look at it, then i'd have to ask questions to guess who the child was. when i found them, they had to stand up and say something nice to me "thank you, teacher joy..." etc etc. then they reversed it. each child had a piece of the class letter and a number. i had to pick a number. they'd stand, give me the piece, and i'd say something personal to them. i got through most of them all right, but then we got to the ones that i've spent the greater part of my year yelling at. it's a funny thing, that yelling, because they didn't even want me to say something to them... they just started to cry uncontrollably. when this happened, i lost it and found myself sobbing in front of all these kids. apparently, the crying continued long after class was over. i don't know why that broke my heart. i guess they know i love them despite the yelling.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

it's the small things that matter

or so i've heard it said.

in general, i consider most things to be over-appreciated. appearance. money. fashion trends (not to be confused with fashion). large things (beds, cars, closets, refrigerators).

and conversely, i consider other things to be sorely under-appreciated. hot water. underwear. television on dvd. the quesadilla.


and lately, one more thing.

behold, the guava:














while it's everywhere, i mean under-appreciated like apples are in our culture. they're just... there. say you're standing amongst an array of fruit, and your choices are strawberries, watermelon, raspberries, blueberries, and apples. which one do you pick? i'll bet it's not the apples!
guava is similar here. mango season comes, and BAM... guava? what's guava? it also will not get picked over dragon fruit, star fruit, kiwi, or pineapple.



i really couldn't tell you why guava wasn't a regular part of my diet back home. wait, yes i can. because you don't find it at home. you eat things like watermelon, strawberries, apples, grapes, and bananas. not guava.

it's a simple fruit. it contains no potency, no zing. but i have to say it's one of the most consistent aspects of my experience in taiwan. even when mango failed me on both the fresh and ice sand level, i don't remember there being a time when i couldn't get guava. and every time i eat it, the better it tastes.

so easily forgettable. so underwhelming in taste and appearance. but time after time, when my body starts screaming for something that isn't processed or greasy or rice, there it is at 7-11 or in the school kitchen, sitting there, staring at me, reminding me of how much better i'll feel when i have some.

mix it with a little prune powder and a half dozen cherry tomatoes, and you have something i'll definitely miss when i go home.

Monday, April 14, 2008

oh no!

i am officially booked for this summer... trains, buses, hostels, flights. everything except those effing visas. but otherwise all confirmed. i get back to the states on july 10. oh man.

i was reflecting for a moment on the utter pinnacle of gruel i will be consuming in my summer months. the taiwanese say that chinese food is dodgy. they also said the same about thai food, and i found thai food, even that of the dodgiest sort, to be immensely more appetizing than the so-called food i often eat in taiwan.

but even so, i might just have to become a vegetarian in china, as one can't be too careful when we're talking billions of socially and politically repressed people. maybe unlike taiwan, they actually find a use for all those stray dogs.

kidding!

but seriously, it will be onto mongolia. now i've had damn good mongolian barbecue, but i've seen pictures of ulaanbatar, and we are talking the fringe of civilization as we know it. i borders (literally and metaphorically) on all those -stan countries i have no desire to visit. kazakhstan. uzbekistan. turkmenistan. like polygon-shaped states, i avoid -stans. one can only imagine what they're going to dream up while i'm camping in the middle of nowhere and living, it seems, just like abraham. which is totally awesome, i might add. i've heard rumors of raw meat, which, even in my hungriest of states, i'm not sure i can stomach.

russia is another story. i know people who've been to russia. i've heard stories about russia. i've had an inexplicable desire to visit russia as long as i can remember. i had twelve year-old fantasies about the glory of petersburg while reading anna karenina. don't judge me for thinking it would be sweet to be a member of the russian aristocracy. unless i was a woman. especially an adulteress. or a romanov. or living anywhere -bouts that whole revolution.
but still!

all that aside, among the stories, i've heard about how indescribably horrible the cooking is. how you wonder if it's really cat they're feeding to you. in which case, i won't live on vodka, but 7-11 or its kin might continue to rescue me.


then, as i make my way back into western culture, there's london. with countries with such a reputation for excellence in cooking, i've wondered how london's food continues to be so... so... disastrous. is disastrous the right word? it's like they are incapable of listening to the french. or the spanish. or the italians. hell, even the swiss, for that matter.

all this further pumps me up for mexican food and in-n-out. perhaps all that cheap hippie kickboxing will count for nothing in the end.

Monday, January 21, 2008

seriously. it's all i'm asking for.

"ask and you shall receive."
or so the saying goes.


wish i had what i needed
to be on my own
cuz i feel so defeated
and i'm feeling alone

and it all seems so helpless
and i have no plans
i'm a plane in the sunset
with nowhere to land

and all i'm seeing could never make me happy
and all my sandcastles spend their time collapsing

let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
and let that be enough

it's my birthday tomorrow
no one here could know
i was born next thursday
22 years ago

and i feel stuck watching history repeating
oh, am i just a kid who knows she's needy

let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
and let that be enough
-jon foreman

Sunday, January 20, 2008

addictions

"i love you like a fat kid loves cake."
or so the saying goes.

yes, i have addictions, but i tend to think they're fairly harmless, and most of them come and go.
except coffee. and that's been since i was like, 16. i'm pretty sure i've lost that battle. mostly, i try not to think about how much it costs me each year.

there are worse things. like drugs. or alcohol. or sex. or a combination of all three and then some.


but currently, my addiction is jon foreman's new solo tracks! he's releasing 4 cd's this year, titled spring, summer, fall, and winter. i've already listened to fall, and he's just released winter.

i've gotta say, they're beautiful. they're introspective and just lovely to listen to. they're all acoustic, and the content is a provocative combination of His beauty and the pain of moving on.

example:
she said, friend, all along, thought i was learning how to take
how to bend, not how to break
how to laugh, not how to cry
but really, i've been learning how to die
i've been learning how to die



keep writing, jon foreman. thank you for saying something that goes so much deeper than the usual drivel our generation produces.

"would You create in me a clean heart, oh God, restore in me the joy of Your salvation"
it's been my prayer for a long while now.

Friday, January 18, 2008

i once heard...

"learn to laugh at yourself, and you'll always be amused."
or so the saying goes.


currently, this is my goal. silly, and probably shallow, but i sometimes think i'd like myself a lot more if i could do it.



i've been asked before if there was one song to describe me, what i think it would be.
and long have i thought about it. i don't think i've had a dominant personality, so i've never thought any one song could adequately describe who i think i am.

but the more i've listened to this song, i've realized how much bono knows what he's talking about. about searching and knowing. i try not to mistake my confusion/confliction with being lost. as the old adage said, not all who wander are lost. i like to think i fit into that category. on my most existential level, i've figured out what i'm living for, but beyond that, i feel like i'm wandering. bono admits that he believes, but simultaneously admits that he hasn't figured it out. God bless you, bono.

i have climbed highest mountains
i have run through the fields
only to be with you
only to be with you

i have run
i have crawled
i have scaled these city walls
these city walls
only to be with you

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what i'm looking for

i have kissed honey lips
felt the healing fingertips
it burned like fire
this burning desire

i have spoke with the tongues of angels
i have held the hand of the devil
it was warm in the night
i was cold as a stone

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what i'm looking for

i believe in the kingdom come
when all the colors will bleed into one
bleed into one
yes, i'm still running

You broke the bonds
and You loosed the chains
carried the cross of my shame
of my shame
You know i believe it

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
-u2, "i still haven't found what i'm looking for"

Sunday, January 13, 2008

revolution, people. revolution.

"the only things you can count on in life are death and taxes."
or so the saying goes.







cured my political apathy.


carry on.

Friday, December 14, 2007

我是 AWESOME

"i wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth!"
or so the saying goes.

so tonight, after chinese class (which, surprisingly, i truly understood today), chris and i caught an opening night showing of will smith's new film "i am legend." despite spending most of my childhood afraid of my own shadow, i love me a good thriller-slash-horror film.

i was totally excited for this film, which is a lot like 28 days later, though not quite as scary, i think. 28 days later, the introduction to which i can thank the great film majors of chapman university, is among some of the few films i truly appreciate. this is partially because the cinematography is edgy and raw and exquisite. but also, the opening scenes depict perfectly the one thing i've always been most frightened of. it's as if someone opened up my brain, love for london and all, and chose to stream my thoughts on film!


it's deeply, beautifully, pit-of-your-soul terrifying.

the truth of the matter is, my deepest fear is the uncontrollable, inexplicable extinction of mankind. when i was a little girl, if my mom disappeared to do something unspeakable like take a shower, i would go into fierce panic attacks, which i could never quite explain. even then, i felt silly telling her that it was because, for a few minutes, i'd actually let myself believe that she'd disappeared and i'd never see her again. and not just that she'd disappeared, but that the rest of the world had disappeared with her, leaving me hopelessly, desperately alone. probably irrational, but true nonetheless. it's likely that this is why God didn't choose me for that whole great flood business, among other things, i'm sure.

when i lived in london, one of my favorite things to do was walk along the south bank. i liked that it allowed me the freedom to be. on a nice day, i also enjoyed crossing the bridge to parliament, just because everything was so lively, yet so separate. i liked that i could be disconnected and just observe, as in poe's "man of the crowd." it felt like i was dreaming, because i'd seen it so many times in the movies. it also had an uncanny ability to make me feel okay without the people i loved the most. i felt that i couldn't possibly be lonely; not here - it wasn't physically possible. i also replayed that scene in my head a few times, thinking about how frightening it would be if nobody were there with me. how desperate and unnatural it would all be if all signs of life were to suddenly disappear.

"i am legend" follows a similar plotline, with a sudden and incurable outbreak of a virus that destroys everything in its path. an abandoned new york is very much like an abandoned london, and people with this disease are not dissimilar to people with the "rage" virus. any way you toss the dice, it looks excruciating to be infected. the two biggest differences are that the infected in "i am legend" are extremely sensitive to uv rays and more importantly that, despite their aggressiveness, they're still capable of logic and, i suspect, affinity for and community with each other. it's a compelling twist to the world as we see it, as will smith's character is driven more and more deeply into hopelessness and frustration. his need for interaction slowly wears on him. i've always found the concepts of solitude and "othering" rather interesting. even when a person feels most misunderstood, it's almost unfathomable to exist without some sort of "presence." look at me; i barely understand chinese, but i'm strangely comforted by the mere fact that there are others around me here... that i will walk out my door and somebody will walk or drive by me. there's something that feels natural about presence. this is also probably why i don't understand atheism. it seems counterintuitive to die and be plunged into nothingness. we can't even handle nothingness here. if such a thing were true: if we really do die, only to see and feel nothing, then why bother with understanding or relationships here? if nothingness is where we came from and where we're going, being alone, experiencing and feeling nothing, would probably be the most natural feeling we could have. it's like reproduction... every being on earth figures it out because it's natural. if nothingness were the same, i don't think it would be so disconcerting. i think something would feel strangely right about it, not uncomfortable.

and as for "othering," i've always considered it interesting that "others" are simply that which the majority doesn't understand. usually, we understand this within the context of language, race, religion, sex, education, or sexual orientation. i've always appreciated how lost explores this idea: how the others are considered brutal because we, as an audience, don't understand them as well as the equally brutal survivors we meet in episode 1. and in terms of will smith, it's interesting how this turns in the film. how we empathize with him because we understand him, but how the film opens up the possibility that these logical and communal mutants see him as an "other." he captures them to find a cure, but all they see is him capturing them. he dwells in the light, something that seems crude and unnatural to their severely altered minds. i read in an article that this is a more profound theme in the original book, and i must admit that it intrigues me. the fluidity of what determines monstrous. evolution and destruction. majority and minority.

okay, so the zombies were cheesy and a bit cliche, but this is not what i find terrifying about films like "i am legend" or "28 days later." it still bothers me that they can run so fast and have so much strength. it also bothers me that they look like a less-refined version of lord voldemort, who is a lot like i'd always imagined satan; kind of charismatic and creepy, but very well-spoken and completely arrogant. it was like voldemort with rabies, which is never a good idea, because he'd have definitely avada kedavra'd that dog before it ever bit him. and the zombies in 28 days later are possibly worse with all their super speed, except they still look human.

what i do find interesting about the infected in both films is how painful the whole process looks. there's one scene in particular, as they're quarantining new york city, when a woman begs will smith to take her baby and save them. she claims that she's not infected and she needs someone to help her child. and he pauses for a second to look at her, because he wants so badly, as he says, to fix it. he keeps saying over and over that he won't let this happen. and though she's pitiful and sincere, you see plainly that she's completely infected. her hair has fallen out, she's pasty, and she's bleeding from every orifice on her face. and she's still holding her child. yikes. and the sad thing is that it pales in comparison to how painful the whole "rage" disease seems, with all the incessant vomiting of blood. i can't handle vomiting the plain way, much less projectile blood vomit.

i'll admit, i often find films like this difficult to watch, not because of the shocks and the twists, but because of the advances we're making in genetics, bio-terrorism, and warfare. fighting no longer means meeting each other on a battlefield, or blowing each other to smithereens. it's about dismantling. disarming. breaking morale. working from long distances. being silent until it's time to hit them hard. and as the souls of this generation and the ones to follow slowly disintegrate, things like this worry me, not because of what science can do, but of what truly, deeply evil people can do. we live in a world that is, on all levels, falling away from direct human interaction. the battles we fight aren't face-to-face anymore. how long until we've become so desensitized that fighting for a cause or a country means opening a vial?

wow, this was long. moral of the story: i don't like desolation, but i really, really like will smith. and london.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

yes, it's finally happened

"rest in peace."
or so the saying goes.

i'm pretty sure that after almost 3 years of faithful service, my ipod is now dead. i knew it was coming, but i still maintain that it was too young to die.

may it rest in peace.

Friday, October 26, 2007

so funny, i can't even handle it sometimes

lately, i've been having so much fun at work. over the past few months, i feel that my ability to communicate with my kindergarten students has greatly improved. i've started to figure out how they think and how they will respond to the things i say. as a result, i now have a few of them latched onto me at every turn. this makes my day considerably better. i'm also feeling less frustrated with their naughtiness or the controlled chaos that is a kindergarten classroom, and starting to see the humor in the way they behave. today, i laughed so hard in my music and movement class, i could barely compose myself long enough to get my kids back into a line.

why?
i have a relatively new student named carlos. well, teacher chris and i picked that name out for him, and if you could see or talk to him, you would agree that it's perfectly appropriate. i'll admit that i didn't like him at first, but he's grown on me a lot. i'd be lying if i said his borderline insanity makes my day truly glorious. carlos is probably the smallest kid in the whole school. he's 3 years old, and his motor skills have only begun to develop into something constructive. he also has a speech impediment, which he may or may not grow out of. today, i was singing and dancing to some songs with about 20 of the kindergarten students, when we got to "3 little monkeys." for those who don't know it, i've posted the lyrics for you:
three little monkeys jumping on a bed
one fell off and bumped his head
momma called the doctor and the doctor said
"no more little monkeys jumping on the bed!"
(continue with 2, then with 1)

as you might imagine, the actions are pretty straightforward. we show "3" fingers, then pretend that they are jumping on a "bed." we show "1" finger, pretend that it has fallen off the "bed," then pretend to bop ourselves in the head. we pretend to talk on the phone for "momma called the doctor and the doctor said." and for the last line, we shake our heads, wave our arms to emphasize "no," then stomp on the word "bed." unfortunately, some of my younger students, carlos included, don't exactly have the words down. for him, it comes out kinda like "three laeg mooonnksss juuuuuu beeeed. ooonnn fffeeee ooooooo..." you get the idea. he tries so hard, and i love him for it. unfortunately, he also doesn't quite have the motor skills to do some of the actions, though he does his best. but watching him do it today, i couldn't contain my laughter. he put his hands up, showing a random assortment of fingers that was supposed to be "3" while he pretended to sing. he had such a fierce gleam in his eye as he sang... he was being completely serious about this song, determined to show me that he could do it better than the other students. he bore his teeth and bulged his eyes, showing immense concentration, but the effect was absolutely hilarious. when it got to the part where we're supposed to bop ourselves on the head, most of the students understood that you're not really hitting yourself... you're just pretending, and thus, they cushion the blow. not carlos, though. he full-on, full-force, proceeded to smack himself in the head every single time. with the ferocity of his gaze and the force with which he hit himself, i thought perhaps he didn't feel it at all, though he nearly knocked himself over a few times. at this point, i was barely concentrating on my own actions, because i couldn't get over the fact that he was actually hitting himself. he got through "momma called the doctor and the doctor said" fairly well, though he looked positively furious when he said the words. then come the last few words, everybody's favorite because of the stomping. carlos completely bipassed the words and the head-shaking actions, and poised himself for the stomp. he stood on one foot, his pointed hand raised high in the air, anticipating the stomping part. he then brought his foot down full-force, looking both fatigued and incredibly proud of himself for doing the song... only it was a good quarter of a beat after everyone else.

there are countless other moments like this in class. the tearful pleading "teacher, don't want!" when we tell them we will take away their cool cards. students who hoard all their food in their mouths because they don't want to eat. i have one students who likes to pretend he's a car. with others, there are inside jokes, buzz words and phrases, and of course the threat of taking away dodgeball. who knows? the world just might fall to pieces without dodgeball on a friday. perhaps it's cruel, but at least it motivates them enough to finish their essays and pass their tests. ah, sweet, all-too-precious leverage.

i have to get a video and pictures of them, because they're priceless. with teacher chris, mrt rides to and from chinese class are all stories about what kids said and did, sometimes interspersed with fits of laughter that make telling the story difficult. i often feel that i've given up all control of my life, as it's really impossible to make my students do anything. perhaps this is but a small glimpse of what it's like to be a parent. but since i can't force them to do anything they don't want to do to make my life easier, i just hope for mostly favorable outcomes, and generally laugh to keep from crying. i find that the laughter makes it nearly impossible to cry most of the time, or to fathom a more fun job than the one i have. i suppose they're all helping me to see the humor in what i do, despite my chronic perfectionism. it's going to be really hard to leave next year.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

easy amusement

"game. set. match."
or so the saying goes.

since thursday, aro and i have been embroiled in a fierce, facebook-supported game of scrabble, thanks to the new application "scrabulous." at our rate of play - i.e. one move per person per day, i expect that it will take at least another week to complete.

but the truly amazing thing is that i'm actually playing scrabble with him on the other side of the ocean, and i have the convenience of making a move whenever it's - well - convenient. i get off work and get a nifty notification in my facebook inbox: aaron humphrey has just made a move in scrabulous. click here to see the board. i play my turn and wait until aro wakes up or gets off work or something of the sort to play his.

who needs physical interaction? also, he doesn't know this, but at one point i had only vowels.

Friday, August 31, 2007

i happen to think witches are pretty cool.

"better late than never."
or so the saying goes.

i've been working my way through harry potter.

it took me 10 years, but i decided it's time to suck it up and give it a try. truthfully, i have always believed harry potter to be merely a fad. i expected that its popularity would eventually die out, as i generally have a great deal of skepticism in terms of pop literature. but it's been about 3 weeks since i began my venture, and i'm already on book 5. i confess: i just can't put the books down. with each installment, they get a little bit darker, a little bit more mature, a little bit more complex, and a little more compelling. quite frankly, i'm impressed.

over the past few years, i've heard a great deal of dissent regarding the harry potter books from the christian community. as they're about witches and wizards and other subjects of that nature, the great conundrum arises: to allow or not to allow? should it find a place among shelves with narnia or frodo, or should it be discouraged and indeed, banished? i've read a few reviews over the years, all of them saying to stick with lotr and that the themes within harry potter are spiritually destructive.

now that i've read for myself, i couldn't disagree more. for one thing, simply based on literary merit, i think rowling has achieved an enormous imaginative feat. it is rare to find such compelling writing on a fantasy world such as this. in narnia and the world of tolkien, they invent complete alter-universes. they exist outside of time and space as we know it. their worlds have different histories, different physical and metaphysical boundaries, different races and species - all of it outside of what we know and understand. rowling's world is similar. she invents a reality that exists both separately and parallel to the supposed real world. it too has its own histories, its own boundaries of possible/impossible/physical/metaphysical, and its own species. she indulges our fantasies: what if magic really existed? what if there was a world where we could disappear, change forms, move things around, read minds, see/walk through walls, or fly without technology? a world where people could do this at will? don't pretend like you don't think it, because - seriously - how cool would that be? rowling invents a world where all these exist, and so much more. where people not only have the ability to do these things, but must learn to use them. that exists along with the regular human race, and it intimately entwined with it. a place among the genetic code where some have the powers and some don't. some know about the alter-universe and others don't. some rely on technology and others don't. two worlds existing together, one in time and space as we know it, with all the histories and all the happenings of our own world, and another one right beside it, with its very own history and its very own struggles.

but all this is superfluous, right? that's not the threat. the threat is the existence of magic, the employment of witchcraft, and, probably most importantly, the absence of God. after all, what about all the underlying themes - is rowling championing witchcraft? is she encouraging a generation of children to become fascinated with satanism, deception, and magic? upon my own examination, i believe that christians that get hung up on this have simply not looked past all the innocuous, superficial aspects of these texts. they truly haven't thought critically about it at all.

true, there's witchcraft and magic, but the stories have much more universal and, i would suggest, nobler themes than these. these simply serve to indulge the imagination - to feed into all the things we've thought about as children.

and true, there is no question of God or spirituality in her books. but i see this as no different than any other addition to the fantasy genre. it's an alternate universe. think about all the great fantasy adventures of our day. even in a God-less piece of art, we cannot discount them, because they open up our imagination to what something might be like if the world didn't have the same boundaries and existential quandaries we have now. in star wars. or narnia. or middle earth. or any of the comic books with batman or superman or the x-men. and we do not dismiss these things based on the God principle. we see them as literary or artistic achievements. if we are to be consistent, we cannot dismiss rowling based on this characteristic.

more important than God or witchcraft, i think, is the existence of a moral and spiritual duality in rowling's books. it's not simple floundering, not remotely about idle dabble in magic and imagination. there is a war being waged. and not just any war, but a clear battle between good and evil. a championing of hope, compassion, generosity, sacrifice, and love, and disdain for cruelty, selfishness, and the heartlessness. there is a duality: between voldemort and dumbledore and everything they stand for. voldemort is cruel and power-hungry. he's an elitist, a murderer, a wager of chaos and mass genocide. dumbledore stands for all the things that we need even in our own world: acceptance of other people, kindness to all, reason, compassion, and a firm stance on what is right. i'm on book 5, and talk of war is stirring. most of the wizarding world believes that the dark side is not rising - that their troubles were over years ago, but dumbledore knows better. and though the world strips him, one by one, of titles. though people call him crazy, pelt him with insults, and his credibility slowly slips away, he stands firm in his beliefs. he knows that the good will have to stand against the evil sooner or later, and wisely chooses not to ignore it, despite protest. and even in the face of his enemies, he is polite, kind, reasonable, and steady. never behaving out of emotional preference, but out of what is good and what is right. and i can't help but find it to be encouraging in our spiritually non-committal world. if children of our own generation need an example in the books they read, i'm glad dumbledore serves as one. it's not good enough to simply deny that bad things are happening. it's not good enough to pretend. it's not good enough to remain neutral. one must stand up for what is right, simply because it is so. because it's an insult to principle not to. not all things are just okay. some truly are bad and such things must be fought, but never at the breech of justice. and never in a way that even remotely compromises the sanctity of human life.

in such a lifeless world, a world that so disinterested in picking sides, i'm glad to see such a fierce dichotomy. such a decided understanding of good and evil, and that, in the face of adversary, the good is always upheld.

i've also read articles that these stories undermine family values, championing only the wizard families and encouraging children to fight against their parents. harry's family treats him horribly and in return, he fiercely hates them. first of all, has this person ever read british literature? this is the classic situation in story after story. it's very dickens-esque. if you disallow harry potter for this reason, you should also disallow every book that has a child rebelling against his or her parents or family's expectations. even the girls in jane austen are resistant to what their parents want. it is too simple to say that rowling devalues human families and encourages wizard families. while harry is treated poorly by his aunt and uncle, families like the blacks or the malfoys, both wizard families, are worse. they go so far as to ostracize family members for being to benevolent to the human race (the "inferior" race). according to such families, if you don't hate the humans ("muggles"), you're a disgrace. in the face of racism, sirius chose not to partake, and as a result, his family pretended he never even existed. the malfoys, though a strong family unit, are plain horrible. the best example of a functional family is the weasleys, a very large, but very poor wizard family. rowling makes it clear, however, that compassion and acceptances of others is far more important than money. it doesn't matter what you have - what matters is how you treat others. and not all human families are dysfunctional. hermione, for example, comes from a human family, and has a very good relationship with her parents. they treat her well and she loves them dearly.

aside from this, i find it interesting that many christians aren't moved simply by the first almost-annihilation of voldemort. he was relieved of physical form by hubris. attempting to murder harry, his own spell rebounded onto himself. harry only survived because of his mother's sacrifice. she died holding him in his arms, protecting harry - she died sacrificing her life for his - and it was the only thing that could deflect the curse. in the books there are three unforgivable curses... curses that send wizards to azkaban - a veritable hell. imposing your will onto another's. the torture curse. and the death curse. because they take away inalienable human rights - the right to free will, to bodily preservation, and to life. which christians, exactly, would disagree that these should be, indeed, unforgivable? it was using the third that voldemort was destroyed. by sacrifice. sacrifice conquers even death.

sacrifice conquers death.
sacrifice conquers death.
now that's funny, because i vaguely remember a bible story about that...